wow.
Since I"m limited in time and I don't want to overthink this..

by 3 people and

by all animals

I'm not sure how old I was...
I have no problem remembering 3 earliest memories.
I don't' have anything interesting to say and I'm ashamed to say that a lot of my posts are mostly for my own personal growth.

Ok.
so.
1st one i can remember is Christmas eve.  My mom was driving us home and I was looking up out the window of the red Honda looking for Santa.  It was cold.  I felt excited and very well loved.

2nd one:  lying outside in Lake Silkworth, PA?  I don't remember...
with Dee hockenberry and her niece Amy and Karen in our sleeping bags.  I had a sleepover and we slept outside on the grass near the above ground pool on the tiny hill.  Dee was way cool.  She represented the fun of my childhood. She stuck around for what felt to be a very long time...a very significant time.  From age 10-13 maybe??? She had an affair with my dad.  She was my mom's best friend.  I heard she has died of cancer in Pittsburgh sometime in the past 5 years.  But then, I heard she didn't ...so I don't know.  I dream about her every now and then.

3rd.  Must have been after my 17th bday.  Lying on the ground..on the white concrete.  Summer night near the pool with my mommy looking up at the stars in PA.  I love space.  I love talking about space.  I love anything about space.  Even that space game I used to play with my grandmother...crap I loved that game.

Tonight, I saw a shooting star right after I walked out of my Reiki meeting in downtown Dallas, TX.  That is right.  shooting star?  I wished.  But I can't tell you for what.

night night.

I have this tool called, imagination.  It can trap me or free me.  It is my choice. 

Does it have to be aural listening?
I really don't know the last time someone wasn't thinking about what they were going to say next when I was talking.  How ironic.  Just the other day I was telling my mom to try an exercise before she decided to get into Reiki.  She has a terrible habit of not really listening and never remembers anything people say because of this.  I told her to try actually listening and not thinking about what she was doing or going to say next.  It is such a common character flaw and of course I am not saying that I don't do the same!

The last time someone heard what I had to say was here on Gaia.  I love it here because people come to me when they are ready to hear what I say.  It reminds me of my rehearsal with Gabriel, the ever so wonderful pianist that has so much wisdom to share.  He said to me (paraphrased)
...there are two types of performers or performances:  one says, "Here I am! Hear me play!" and the other one quietly makes the listener come to YOU when they are ready.  "draw the listener in," he said.
I'd prefer the later.

First of all, I could really use some change right now.  As in the money kind of change.

I welcome change into my life.  If I'm not expecting something major to happen along the lines of moving or changing jobs, I get really sad!! 

I don't like living in the same city for too long because I think I should explore as much as possible while I'm alive and free.   Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a homebase. ...maybe dallas is the place.  It scares me though.

If something is really good like a song on the radio..if it is just too good, I have to change it!  Ha ha
Is there ANYONE out there that gets this/me????   HelllllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLOOOOOoooooooooo.  that was an echo in a canyon full of people that don't get me.

ok. so it says I've already answered this question but I feel the need to post anyway.

Today and the last week has been bitter.  I mean...I've been fighting the negativity left and right.  I've spent a lot of my hours cleansing my mind by being alone, or working hard.  It has been a month since all the craziness.  I was busy to the point of no return and I absolutely LOVED it.  I was living on the edge.  Then came the climax...my recital.  I guess I killed it.  That is what the people that mattered communicated to me.  I wasn't thinking that..I was thinking that I did well I guess...but not like they said. 

Then.almost...complete silence.  But not really.  Scott was around.  Even when everything inside me needed a good week alone, he was there.  So, he left for Maryland for a month and then immediately, my mom came to visit.   I really love being alone and I don't think I had had a moment (my version of a "moment" would be a week) since April.  It was fun, but I was maxed out.

Then, for real this time...complete silence.  I'm left alone to deal with all the drama inside my head regarding my career and life as a whole to gnaw at me. 

Today was the beginning of the last time I let my imagination eat away at me.  Things have made a major shift and I'm determined to let them pan out as they are in my wildest dreams.  Like as if that girl today and all 3 days before today was a stranger.

I promise you that in a month, I will have long cleared all of my financial issues and be living in the same apartment complex  (but in a one bedroom) that has been a dream come true for the last 6 months!  Thank YOU for holding me to it.

When I see the power of love alive and at work....


Tocar Y Luchar

That brings some funny memories back into my consciousness.


I like to touch things.  I like to touch everything I like to look at, which means..sometimes it gets in my way...or others' way!
I remember being at a formal social dinner in Brooklyn one night...probably back in 2003.  If I turn it on, I know I can be charming.  weird...Especially, in the last 5 years, I choose NOT to turn it on, as most people I meet do not at all invoke this in me.
So in the present time kate=not charming.  why why why?  Last night in my energy healing class, she was mumbling..."very selective, very selective..."  AHHHHHH  I just want to TURN it on like I used to, whenever I need it.  Now, I just can't because it requires me to use energy on people I do not wish to impress.  I don't meet people that bring this out of me...where are they?  OR...more like it, where have I gone???

Anyway, So, that night I was with shuichi at a dinner party.  I was charming and polite most of the evening, until I let the inner curious kate take over for a split second.  He would often say when we were shopping, "do you HAVE to touch EVERYTHING?"  ha ha , so that was an inside joke.
Back to the dinner party...As we were saying our goodbyes, Shuichi was in the process of extending them as he always does...and I got a little bored and touched a porcelain magnet on the door.  I touched it and it crashed to the floor.  At the sound of the crash I felt as if my whole exterior facade was found!!  EXACTLY the way I wanted to feel at a ripe age 22, 24? ahh!!! EXPOSED and real.  He said I'd get over this, that i'd discover the importance of being polite and fake in business conversations..but I never did.  I can't be fake. 

I'm not sure that was the charming thing to do, but I still laugh about it since he was so uptight about me touching everything I see and then it backfired on me.  On the positive side of this relationship that I once had...I think it was the catalyst of my true growth.  He is still the only person I've ever felt connected to as in....when I see him from afar..as in when I see him after being apart for over a year, it feels like I have known him for thousands of years.  I'll never forget a reunion we had at DIAirport.  I saw him way across the "Mountain" dome (you'd understand if you know DIA).  A ThUD..as in, I know you from somewhere and it isn't NY.

He is about 45 now.  He is now married. He is the male version of me in every area of his life.  His relationships failed, mostly because no one ever could meet his expectations.  A success in his 20s-gave it up in his mid 30s to pursue his real dream.  Finally at 45, he lives his dream, loud and clear. 

i read somewhere that we should ALWAYS touch something before buying it to feel the energy it has absorbed from its past.

Phuket Thailand.  lying in the sand 1/2 in the water and 1/2 out, drinking a cold beer, staring out into the ocean around 3 pm in the afternoon.  Baby monkeys were a couple steps away in the trees behind me and since they are the coolest creatures on Earth to me, I was in heaven.

I had a dream last night.  This dream taught me a lot about myself and what is possible when we put all of our energy into one purpose.  The purpose of trusting my ability and not relying on others for input.

I had to relocate my belongings into this room.  No-one wanted to live in there because none of the furniture would stay put.  There was this intense negative energy force that had been stagnant and dark in there for such a long time that anyone that tried to move in, would instantly be pushed out by fear of the unknown.  This force was evil, like a demon that would disrupt anything physical that had taken over.  Beds would be forced upon their sides.  Lights would turn on when turned off. 

The first night I stayed there, I experienced a fear so powerful...
I turned on some music to relax and drowned it out.  When I woke up, it was still playing but the energy force had turned it down.  This was encouraging!  It didn't turn it OFF!

The next couple nights, I fought and fought this force, mainly with the advice of other people in my house.  It wasn't too effective.  My fear was intensifying, making the heaviness of it even worse.

Near the end of the dream, I had learned to open windows to let the air circulate through the room.  Over time, the force was becoming less and less powerful.  I learned to not let my fear be known to others, except in prayer or in meditation-when the purpose was to unite and make use of team energy to push it out.
It didn't matter-at the end of the night, I still had to return to my room ALONE to fight whatever it was that was competing for this space.

I wish I could describe the heaviness I felt in the infected room as opposed to the light air in the surroundings.  It was pretty great at the recap.  I had mastered my own room as was being led into hidden rooms that other people hadn't opened in quite a while.  They needed my help and wisdom to clear their own stale spaces.

Well, anything I don't know the whole story about.  The sky, the history of Planet Earth, the spiritual world, anything that is physically attractive to me.

 As of now, I'm plagued by the fact that I find mystery to be the foundation of many of my crushes.  When I don't know someone but I find them to be very appealing, I catch myself making them into the person I want them to be.
I have to remind myself that that is all it is. 

Once I get what I want and finally see behind the curtain, it takes some time-but it never fails that what is behind there wasn't as great as it always seemed before I knew what was there.  It is called "the grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome.

I am experiencing it right now....and have been for a good three weeks.  I'm working on becoming an energy healer.  In the process, I have encountered some really mysterious souls that just are passer bys handing me some straight-forward, powerful messages.  Others, on the other hand have touched me in a way that has caused me to experience roller-coaster like emotions.  the ride has been awesome-as I have been the highest I've ever been and at times, my lowest points.  I'm drawing people to my life that I love.  This is all scary to me but I believe that after the initial phase has passed where I am in a way, "crossing over" into extreme energy sensitivity, I will feel the way I've been feeling and that this is normal.

On a kind of side note, I asked my friend Michael if I could work on his dog last night.  I said to Michael, is there something wrong with your dog's left shoulder? He said, "yeah that is the side where he got hit by a car." 

Cool.  But not the car hitting part.  Cool for me feeling that. 

My thoughts!