Ok. so it has been a while since I've written.  I've done some things since I've last signed on.  I am a semi-finalist in the New World Symphony , a finalist in the Lubbock audition and I played alongside the Cleveland Orchestra this summer in Dvorak 8.
I'm working on my next audition for the Houston Grand Opera.
My number ONE goal is to make it easy for me to play this audition.
If it isn't easy for me, the committee will know and will not pass me on.  There are more than a few people from Rice a couple blocks down that can play this stuff since 1989 when they were born.  But I was born before that, so I have a headstart. 

my decisions and actions


I have decided that I am in control.

Taking action is way more important than talking about what I'm doing next.

I decided to click on the answers just to see if I could find any inspiration for my day.
It shocked me to see that a lot of people wrote down that they needed  various things that really aren't necessary for survival.  I was thinking more along the lines of needing as being something I can't live without.

The only things we need are food, clothing, shelter and love/contact/hope. My grandfather said we can only love others, not things.  I was 10 years old in the dining room of his house facing the white corner cubbard when I remember him saying that the last time.

 I was flying back to Denver from Austin about 2 years ago.  I was sitting next to a man who's energy intrigued me quite a bit and I made it a point to find out why.  We talked about our careers and that led to him talking about his traveling experiences.  He is a lawyer that travels to Africa on his own dime to give Africans a trial that otherwise could not afford one.  He said often, the conditions are so deplorable that men had not bathed for years on end...or are in jail for sometimes 10 years just awaiting a trial to prove their innocence.  I remember him saying something like...above all the horrible things I have witnessed in my life, and believe me I have seen prisons from one corner of the globe to the other...African prisons are the worst, most horrifying prisons I have ever seen.'  But the most moving part was the need the prisoners had just to be touched by another human being.  They would put their hands out in desperation to just be able to feel his hand as he walked by. 

DREAMING!
in the non dream kind of way...  speaking of dreams:


I had someof the most amazing dreams last night.  For some reason, I was in French Polynesia at the snap of a finger, on a beach witnessing a sight that was so vivid of the face of someone who I haven't seen in a long time.  He hadn't taken a shower in a long time but he still somehow didn't smell and looked like he belonged in a western. 

Somehow from there, I was in near Italy in a car driving north.  This is a country I've wanted to see since I began my studies in Italian back in 2001.  When I realized I was near, it brought me to tears.  I think I had missed my flight and had to drive *drive* all the way to Russia with a family that I did not know.  I was excited for the .journey.  I had made friends with this little kid, about 9 or so.  He was my buddy throughout most of my trip.  The best part of the dream is way beyond my ability to put into words that would do it justice-we were driving through little towns that I had always dreamed of seeing.  Each building was so detailed...AHH!

Next I knew, I was in a bus in the drivers seat heading for a waterfall-which was actually pretty rad.  Falling over it, I next was sailing up a river (yes, up) to where I passed the bases of many other waterfalls.  Looking up to the top of them was a long way.  I felt the mist and power of the water like I did when I stood at the bottom of the gush of Niagara Falls in 1986. 

Anyway, there is more..but my point is that what keeps me going is that I love to dream big.  And having people in  my life that support me and believe in my ability is pretty cool too.  All I have to do is picture the best people in my life at the snap of a thought, and there I am--inspired all over again.

Imagine someone who was born to play music..Someone who is hardly part of this dimension.  He is profoundly beautiful to us while in state. 

He stood there in that open space, a year later in the Denver airport in 2003.  Time stopped for me when I looked up to connect with an old soul that I've known for many lifetimes. 

Armed with hope and a pretty face, I made it past the cutoff.  7am Dallas time, I was alone in a bare washed room with 14 other lost souls.  Number 15 was my number.  You took my hand and led me into these dreams where you have had the faces of the those described above. 

Dream number 3 yet to come.  I'm anxious to see the next face.

my old pattern of thinking.  Everyday, I am surrounded by these amazing people that constantly reinforce positive thinking by showing me the difference it can make in my life.  I had to let precious things go to move here, but I have gained much more than I have lost.

I have overvalued hard work and often gotten the opposite result of what I wanted.

i can parallel park like it is "the" gift that makes up my entire being.
Why why why

ha!  This is the world of orchestral auditions.  ANything can happen. You have to be prepared...My past experience prepares me for the present.  I make mistakes and learn.  I visualize as many scenarios as possible.  Scenarios that are down to the wire.

MOTION!
Emotion.
Love.